Fate Works In Mysterious Ways

Life doesn't always go according to plan. More often than not, it veers off the path that you've carved out for yourself and then you find yourself on a whole new path. You have no idea where it will lead you or if its good for you. You have no direction whatsoever, so you end up trusting your gut feeling and pursuing that path. More often than not, you find out that going on the unexpected path, brings you closure, more than you can ever ask for.


I always wanted to do something fulfilling and not just centered around making money. And I guess this is why I was led to do what I do now. I love the kids and they never fail to make my day,every single day. I'm able to pour out my love for these kids, some of whom are craving for parental love which they lack as some of them come from broken families. I feel a tugging at my heartstrings when I see a kid lacking parental love and then in turn making them insecure and lacking confidence in themselves.

Although most of them are still young, it doesn't mean that they don't understand that their parents aren't together anymore. They might not be able to voice out their concerns or thoughts, but deep down inside, they can feel the hostility between the parents and will forever be psychologically affected by it. Its sad that some adults just assume that because their kids are young, they won't understand their adult issues and won't be affected, maybe its not the kids who need to be educated, but their parents as well.

I always felt something missing in my life before this. No amount of friends, boyfriends or even my family could fill the emptiness. And now, I have finally found something that could fill up the void. Its my students. And I don't ever want to look back from this.


In Fear & Faith,

The True Friends Trial

When shit happens, you really know who your true friends are. With friends like these, those delusional mindfucks can and should fuck themselves with a dick-tionary. (Quoted from Miss Cranberry)

The weekend was appropriately spent with good company. And though unexpectedly, seeing the worst of people really just made me laugh to see how they really never change. Before and After, yet still the same. Time changes all things? I beg to differ. It's really sad how some people think that the whole world revolves around them and that they think so highly of themselves when they are but mere mortals on this earth, just like everyone else. You're no saint, so don't pretend to be. I know I'm not, so why are you?

The past 2 years has been good to me and I shall continue moving forward and not looking back Because when you look back, you can never move on. I'm glad I'm in a much better place now and I feel sorry for those who are still stuck where they started.

Adversity is a trial to see one's true colours.



In Fear & Faith,

Blood & Tears

When the tide has come and gone, you wonder why it was even there in the first place. As the water level resides and you can see your toes in the sand. You hope that your footprints will never fade away, but as another wave washes it away, you realize that you are nothing but a temporary mark in this world.

You were never forever.


In Fear & Faith,

Multiple Occupations

The Month of Photography Asia has officially kicked off. Do visit www.mopasia.com.sg for more details on the month long event and the rest of the ongoing exhibitions. Support us!

My official preschool boyfriend, Raheel, hasn't been talking to me much for the past two days. Perhaps he's sulking. Though yesterday, he was happily showing me his "bantal busuk". So much that we have in common aye? I have a feeling that I pamper him too much. He always manages to get me to feed him his lunch, no matter what. For a 4 year old, he's pretty manipulative.

Yen Han, my adoptive son brought his "son" today to show me. He then promptly refused to sit anywhere else but on my lap during tv time, which got him into much trouble. Jasmine, my adoptive daughter was absent today, so I haven't seen her for 2 days. Tomorrow is Akid's birthday, he told me he has a big Spiderman birthday cake all ready and goodie bags. Hopefully we''ll get to sneak some cake out. Oh and a huge pizza treat for all of the teachers, courtesy of Teacher Allison as we gave her a surprise birthday celebration today.

Well, what can I say? I'm a kid at heart. I still love birthdays and cakes and presents and yummy fattening food.

M.S seems to be slightly off recently. I have no idea what's going on but I am definitely not hoping. Not anytime soon anyways. Updates for the Other Slut happened today, with lots of squeals and peals of laughter.

I don't wanna push it, and I don't wanna put in my heart yet. Not yet, not soon. There's still this guarded heart I'm holding close to me. If only things would change for the better, then maybe I'd have hope. Hope for the future, hope for love, hope for M.S and hope for everything else.


In Fear & Faith,

Blame it on love

Hope gives way to dreams. Dreams bring you further away from reality. The further away you are from reality, your feet are no longer firmly grounded. Then, the harder you fall.

I have officially stopped hoping. What's the use of hoping if all it does is make you lose sight of reality? It makes you dream of things that will never happen but then you still wish with all your heart that it will. Hope clouds your judgment and makes you lose all inhibitions. It makes you forget all your fears and you rush headlong without thinking. Hope makes you use your heart and not your head. It makes you lose all logic and sensibility, till you just do what you feel like doing. Instead of weighing down the consequences of your actions.

Hope just gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. It makes you think of rainbows and butterflies when in reality, life's not like that at all. It makes you too optimistic, when you should be pessimistic. It makes you hopeful when you should be cynical. It makes you fall in love, when you know you shouldn't.


In Fear & Faith,

Scofield Day

Expect the unexpected. Because sometimes, the unexpected is the one that you have always been looking for, but never thought you'd find.

A random outing that made the unexpected happen. Who knew my neighborhood could be so interesting? It was a fresh start that startled me. Invoking all of my senses and fears. The warmth and the clarity was so vivid that I had to take a step back to catch my breath. Why didn't this happen before? It was under my nose the whole time, and it took me this long to realize it. Maybe things do really happen for a reason after all. Maybe it happened so that I could appreciate what's good for me and what's really bad. Maybe this is the silver lining that I've been looking for.

I'm holding my breath because I hope to God this doesn't disappear. I don't want to cling on to it, because I'm afraid I might lose it yet again. And I can't bear for that to happen again. So I'm crossing my finger and toes. Wish me well.


In Fear & Faith,

Will you turn my black roses red?

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

I find myself preferring to look through the viewfinder to look at life. Somehow, it looks so much more beautiful through a viewfinder than when you look at it with the naked eye.

In a way, it's like I'm using my camera as a shield. Hiding behind it. To prevent myself from seeing things that I don't really wanna see. Hence, I focus on the beautiful things that I can capture instead.

Walking through my neighborhood at night, brought back old memories. I realize I have forgotten how to enjoy life and have fun, just like a kid. We all focus too much on the ugliness of life that we forget that there's the beautiful side too that we rarely get to see and enjoy.

The kids asked me this today ' Are you going to finish up your face?' Why isn't your face complete?'. These were questions thrown to me regarding my drawing that I showed them earlier this morning. Innocently, those questions seemed esoteric. As if they knew something that I didn't know. And I realized, maybe the reason why I couldn't complete "my face" was not only because I had difficulty being a right hander and drawing from the left. But maybe because I guess there's a part of me that I felt was missing and that I wasn't really complete. Hence, the unfinished drawing of my face.

I guess you could call it a self portrait of me, with just one eye, a nose and a mouth. Ironically, it was the other eye that was missing from the portrait. Making me question myself, is there something that I can't see? Or refuse to see? Or still aren't able to see? Because they say drawing is a form of self expression, and that sometimes your subconscious mind tries to tell you something that you can't see for yourself. Question is, what is it trying to tell me?


Currently listening to Alana Grace - Black Roses Red



In Fear & Faith,